you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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