I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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