I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
