oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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