Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
