ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This couple is walking their pig around campus
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
