need another drink. this is the easiest way
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
