i already hear my dad disowning me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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