What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sext me about skeletons
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
