I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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