I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
