dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
