bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
