I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
