i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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