he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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