Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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