it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize