I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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