I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
