You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
