The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
