insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
