with your own penis?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
