Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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