Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
