why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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