she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
