then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
