halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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