You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
