I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
