I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
