You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize