maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
