Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
