She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
