i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
