I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
