sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
