the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
