fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hippo gnu deer
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
