Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
