I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
