so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Someone shattered a urinal.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
