You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
