hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
