so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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