What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
