Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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