I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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