once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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