Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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