I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
