The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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