This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
