I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My dick has a subreddit
BRING THE BAGELS
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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