david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
