Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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