I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize