so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
