I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
