You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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