For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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