so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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