I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
