Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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