I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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