they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
